Hello, and welcome to my sweet little web page
dedicated to star wars, and other such amusing things. And who am I, exactly?
well, I am The
Supreme Master of All Things, but
that can be a tad unwieldy, so I usually go by Jerika, or Jeri.....or Jer. You
can call me Juh, but I cant guarantee I'll answer. As I already said, this Is my
Star Wars page... but it's no ordinary Star Wars, page, nosireebob! You're not
gonna find A happy little image gallery, and movie reviews, and all that Jazz. No
this is MY take on Star Wars. My own twisted and demented way of looking at this
fantastic world which I
do not own in any way, shape, or form. And
I can do that because as I said, I am The
Supreme Master of All Things....
anyway... First I
have a few links for you, some humorous, some not. Then at the bottom is my sick
little short story entitled What
REALLY happened on the second death star.
It's very... well it's something to see anyway. So relax, and scroll through at
your leisure, and MAAAYYY THE FORCE BE WITH YOUUUUUOOUUU ahhh what a woild, what
a woild *poof*
This is my favorite. Well I helped
write it. It answers the question "What if Star Wars really happened"
and tells a bit about the Roswell incident. Bear with us, it's still under
construction
Luke stared
at the withered old man before him in anger... (I must keep my anger under
control...) he thought to himself for the thousandth time...
"No my
young Jedi..." The Emperor hissed from his throne aboard the Second Death
Star. They were orbiting the moon of Endor and Luke was being forced to watch
his friends fight a hopeless battle. (Oh he's talking again... It's not FAIR!)
Luke thought.
"...It
is you who is mistaken, about a great many things... Like fore one... I used to
be a woman," Palpatine hissed. THAT snapped Luke out of his mindless
drifting. He stared up at the Emperor in horror and disgust.
"WHAT?"
" Yes,
It's not common knowledge, but I used to be... No. I will not submit so easily
to your pathetic Jedi tricks. " Luke shook his head
" I'm
really not surprised, I just said 'WHAT' for dramatic purposes no, I can really
see it, I mean, you're moody, and surround yourself with men, and there haven't
been any televised sports for decades. I only wonder why we didn't see it
sooner."
" Yes,
my young Jedi, you will serve nicely in your Father's place. NOW! you will come
sit by me."
Luke opened
his mouth to say something more but stopped and blinked in confusion at the
Emperor. "Excuse me?"
"You
will take your father's place at my side..." Palpatine reiterated. Luke
looked over at Vader, then back at the Emperor. His face twisted in disgust.
"You're
nuts! And sick... NO!" Luke screamed backing away slowly.
"My
son... you do not know the power of the dark side..." Vader said beckoning
Luke to stop.
"Screw
the power of the dark side. It's bad enough that I've been frenched by my
sister, but now you think something's going to happen with Emperor Prune?
No...no..."
"A
sister... yes..."
"oh
no..." Luke slapped his forehead with the heal of his mechanical hand...
"stupid, stupid, stupid..."
Luke
stopped hitting himself in the head as the world began to spin "Owie"
Vader shook
his head. " So, you have a twin sister."
" No,
father, I, uh, forget it, I....I lied. I was talking about aunt Beru."
"No,
Your feelings have now betrayed your sister, too. If you will not turn to the
dark side, then perhaps she will." Luke cocked his head to the side in
contemplation of the thought.
"Hmm,
maybe, though not if you kill her on the forest moo- I mean NEVER!!!!!"
Luke rushed Vader, with no real intention of killing him, but this conversation
was getting boring, Luke slashed angrily at Vader, pushing him back. He tried to
tune out the Emperor's evil cackles from behind him, but they were just too
annoying. As the laugh sunk deeper into his mind, he lost thought of what he was
doing. Apparently Vader was also distracted by the emperor's laughs and zigged
when he should have zagged and Luke's green blade slashed through his mechanical
right hand.
Luke
stopped, staring down at his father and flexed his own mechanical right hand.
"Okay, that's just weird..." Luke said pointing to the sparking
mechanics of his father's hand.
"The
Emperor did this when I failed to bring you to him wrapped up in a red
ribbon," Vader said sadly.
"I
see... I'm sorry..." Luke said. He stopped as the Emperor walked up behind
them, still chuckling to himself.
"Okay,
now back off fat boy!" Luke said panicking.
" Very
good, my young apprentice. Now come here, and give your master a hug."
"
Uh... help... DAD?! " But Vader was busy trying to reattach his hand
"
Freaking thing!" he muttered" Luke pointed a gloved finger at the
emperor
" Get
back! I... I... uh, have a cold! Yea! Get back, or I swear to god I'll sneeze on
you!!!" The Emperor backed up.
" A
cold?! Contamination! I must kill the infected thing! I cant be near
germs!!!" Blue lightning laced out of his fingers " DIEEEEEEE!! he
growled as poor Luke fried.
Vader
glanced up as the blue lightening enveloped Luke. He watched for a couple of
minutes as Luke writhed on the floor, thinking hard about what he could do to
save his son. He glanced up at the Emperor who had a neurotic grin plastered on
his face.
"Oh
will you shut UP!" Vader said chucking his hand at the Emperor. The
mechanical hand hit the emperor in the face and he stumbled backwards in
surprise. He tripped on the hem of his oversized and dirty black robe and fell
over the railing.
Vader stood
up and helped Luke to his feet. They walked over to the railing where the
Emperor had fallen.
"I
don't know why I didn't do that before..." Vader said. Out of no where a
grizzled hand shot up from the ledge of the cat walk and wrapped itself around
Vader's ankle. The Emperor sent blue electricity into Vader.
"I'll
kill you!" he cried. Luke kicked at the Emperor while Vader tried to free
his leg. Luke finally landed a good kick to the Emperor's head and the old man
fell, howling all the way down.
"Ouch"
Luke said as the Emperor struck an outcropping in the shaft, then continued down
" He's gonna feel that in the morning." The Emperors corpse combusted
then, spraying evil blue energy everywhere.
"No, I
don’t think so" Vader replied simply. " Come on, Son, I'll buy you a
drink to celebrate, then I'll reveal to you the location of every Jedi relic we
confiscated during our reign of terror"
"Sounds
like a plan!" Luke beamed excitedly " This is going to be great! I
really think we're going to have a long close relationship! And you can
apologize to Leia for using her home planet as target practice." The two
strode arm-in-arm toward the shuttle, when a feral-looking redhead flew into
there paths shrieking something about the Emperor's hand. Vader pointed to the
shaft behind him.
"
Sorry ,lady, it blew up with him." She ran off screaming vows of revenge.
Luke sighed, and vowed silently never to get close to someone like that
"
Freaky fanatics" just then, a series of explosions rocked the death star.
one of only two or so light fixtures in the room fell from the ceiling, one
bracket impaling Vader through a weak point in his armor.
"Father...
Nooooooo....." Luke cried, lowering Vader gently to the floor.
"It's... impossible..."
"Luke..."
Vader gasped. "Help me take this mask off."
"But...
but.. you'll diiieee..." Luke cried.
"Please...
I just want to see you w/o the really dark tint..." Luke nodded and helped
Vader take off the mask.
"It's
not fair..." Luke said through a sob. Anakin raised an eyebrow at Luke and
coughed.
”Luke..."
"Yes..."
Luke choked through another sob.
"Please...
my son..."
"Yes?"
"Stop...
whining..." Anakin gushed with his last breath. Luke stared down at Vader
as if he hadn't heard his father correctly. The Death Star rocked again and Luke
shrugged the remark away. He pulled Anakin to the hangar and into the Lambada
class shuttle they had arrived on and piloted them away from the exploding Death
Star.
Once a safe
distance from the fiery blob, Luke spun around to check on Vader. All he found
were the useless remains of his suit. Luke looked crestfallen, then, as a
thought occurred to him, he shuddered.
" He's
running around somewhere naked....gross. Oh, that’s right, Jedi vanish when
they die, unless you're the emperor, then you bounce off a weather vane, hit the
power coil, and explode." He landed the shuttle, and leapt out running into
the fray of cheering people. He quickly found his sister, and told her the story
embellishing a little. Hey, who ever said a Jedi couldn’t exaggerate a little,
right.
The
celebration lasted into the night, and well beyond, as pilots, and crew landed
on the forest moon.
As Luke
looked beyond the magical celebration, beyond the bonfires, his thoughts drifted
to his possible future, to the long war ahead, and was surprised to see the
ghost of his father just beyond the edges of the party. He was joined by
Obi-Wan, and Yoda. He met their proud gazes with a smile of his own. And as he
turned back to the party, he made himself a solemn oath never to drop acid
again.
Hello, and welcome to my sweet little web page
dedicated to star wars, and other such amusing things. And who am I, exactly?
well, I am The
Supreme Master of All Things, but
that can be a tad unwieldy, so I usually go by Jerika, or Jeri.....or Jer. You
can call me Juh, but I cant guarantee I'll answer. As I already said, this Is my
Star Wars page... but it's no ordinary Star Wars, page, nosireebob! You're not
gonna find A happy little image gallery, and movie reviews, and all that Jazz. No
this is MY take on Star Wars. My own twisted and demented way of looking at this
fantastic world which I
do not own in any way, shape, or form. And
I can do that because as I said, I am The
Supreme Master of All Things....
anyway... First I
have a few links for you, some humorous, some not. Then at the bottom is my sick
little short story entitled What
REALLY happened on the second death star.
It's very... well it's something to see anyway. So relax, and scroll through at
your leisure, and MAAAYYY THE FORCE BE WITH YOUUUUUOOUUU ahhh what a woild, what
a woild *poof*